sore, ennui, holidays

I swam again today - and sort of felt bad about it. I was the only one in the pool and the lifeguards had to climb up in the little chair and watch that I didn't drown. Got to be one of the most boring jobs on the planet. Couldn't have been interesting to watch - swim to end, stop and pant, swim back. I did try to mix up my strokes a bit so that might have made it more interesting, but that was only because I'm not very good and I get tired.

And sore. This is the first time I've gone swimming in a while and actually been sore afterwards. Which is not a bad thing, just kinda odd since it didn't feel like I worked any harder.

In other news... I got hit by a massive wave of ennui yesterday. Wikipedia says: "ennui describes weariness or annoyance over a long period of time"

I don't know if a day constitutes a long period of time, but I was more weary and annoyed than those words can really cover.

I think part of it is the holidays - which haven't really been a heck of a lot of fun for me in a while. They are so endlessly stressful and even the simple task of going to the mall - or anywhere near the mall - becomes a grueling experience. I'm essentially done with my shopping at this point and everything is wrapped - so at least that part is done.

Shopping for other people (not nearly as fun as shopping for ones self), trying to spend "just the right amount" and get "just the right gift" for everyone who ended up on my list, and then the travel - which I dread.

I'm trying to be festive and not bring the people around me down - but I don't think I'm doing a great job of that. And hey! More guilt.

And I know I shouldn't feel like this. It's supposed to be a happy time. I'd try and chalk it up to some kind of SAD, but the nice weather refutes that.

So, apply Happy Face (tm) and soldier on through. And I know that I'll enjoy parts of if and will wonder why I was so cranky earlier. Still, it all feels a little empty to me. The Christmas spirit seems to have passed me by.

Enough of this rambling - nearly time to go home and do a bit of cleaning. Yep - I'm a party animal. Later...